I’m at the “wanting to vomit” stage of my new novel. What helps: to look back at the first paragraphs, because they’re good (this helped me a lot through The Geography of Water). Otherwise, there’s always the writer’s favorite thing, procrastination! I don’t recommend trying some of these, but I may or may not have done some:

1. Go  into bathroom. Peer at face. Google “facelift”. Decide to keep face as is.

2. Google “how to cut hair in layers.” Try it. Fill with regret.

3. Tell yourself you are getting exercise as you walk to the jar with homemade brownies.

4. Try to brush the kitten’s teeth. Fail.

5.  Look up transportation to distant PCT trailheads for a trip that’s eight months away.

6. Decide it’s a good day to delete all your emails from the last five years.

7. Go to the gym, because even lifting weights is better than this.

8. Chop kindling.

9. Annoy the kitten while he’s napping, because he looks so cute.

10. Email your sister and whine, because she loves that.

11. Closet purge!

12. Maybe this time you can cut straight bangs!

13. The library is only open 12-4 so obviously you have to go there now.

14. Look, the neighbors are sitting on their porch!

15. Eight backpacks aren’t enough. Must buy a new one online. Bad things could happen otherwise.

16. I’ll just read one chapter of this book I got from the library. Then I’ll write. I promise.

17. I wonder how much tickets to Costa Rica cost?

18. It’s way past time to gather up all the husband’s random things scattered around and put them in one place where he can’t find them later. Heh heh heh.

19. Ooh, endless pool hot tubs for only $16,000! 

20. Naps are important. Everyone says so!

21. I wonder if I weigh less than I did five minutes ago?

22. Visit Craig’s PCT Planner site. If I walk 19.2 miles a day at 2.5 mph, how many days will it take to reach Cascade Locks from Crater Lake? 

23. If all else fails, scream.

24. Attempt to solve the Mystery of the Missing Car Keys.

25. Give up. Eat brownies and read a good book. Tomorrow is another day.